From Chapter 21

Life-changing Trip to Arizona

Seated on a Grand Throne of pure gold, lavishly embellished with eye-dazzling diamonds, rubies, sapphires and amethysts, she is wrapped in a pearl-studded shawl. Majestic flowers are woven into her endless rivers of gold hair, with hummingbirds nesting peacefully in her soft curls. Her garments are the colors of the rainbow, shimmering with brilliant specks of morning dew, and her presence magically expands through the translucent walls of the gazebo into eternity.

“Who are you?” I whisper in awe, staring into her eyes that blaze like a galaxy of stars.

“I am you,” She speaks softly, gracefully rising.


“I have something for you,” She says in a low, hypnotic voice, floating out of the gazebo and moving toward me.

I begin to shake, thinking, why do I always shake when something mystical happens – even in a dream? Maybe it’s how my nervous system processes high vibrations, I answer my own question, shaking even more intensely.

She is coming closer now, and in her arms, close to her heart, I notice that she’s holding something−a small bundle, and it’s moving.

I gaze at it with wonder. Oops, a tiny foot is sticking out!

I move closer, looking more intently. The bundle keeps on moving, as She smiles blissfully, her auric field igniting in bright colors of pink and molten gold.

Oops, a little arm appears! It’s deliciously chubby.

She stops in front of me, immersed entirely in a fiery aura of love, and my heart fills with such warmth and joy.

Oops, a plump face with rosy cheeks and a toothless smile appears and is cooing heart-melting raspberries at me. At this point, my heart explodes with fireworks of love, and understanding follows: My Higher Self is introducing my future son to me.

My husband Felix makes a half-circle around me, and sits on the bed.

“The weirdest thing has happened to me,” he says, looking so pale that I think maybe I should go to the liquor store myself and get the poor man a hotdog and nachos.

“After a papaya-and-something bran shake,” he begins, wincing and releasing a burp, “I dozed off on the café’s patio. “He pauses, looking at me as if seeing me for the first time. “Maybe I’ve been around you for too long, but… I had a vision,” he utters the words as if they’re Chinese.

Beginning to feel weird myself, I pull a chair up to the bed, anxious to hear his papaya-induced vision.

“It is freezing,” he begins, pulling the blanket around him, “and the wet snow keeps on falling on the icy, naked ground. I see myself standing on the porch of a small wooden house. This is my house. There are Bolshevik soldiers in their red star, pointy hats and leather coats running from room to room, looking for something, someone…Two of them are holding me down with their guns. Paralyzed with horror, I’m helplessly watching my wife and my newborn son being grabbed from their beds, pushed and kicked out of the house, down the stairs, into the chill of the night. They’re about to be shot right in front of me, by the fence of our front yard. I am screaming.  My wife presses the baby close to her chest and looks up at me. In her eyes, I see everything: horror and pain, intense grief for all the unlived, unfulfilled years as a mother and as my wife.

As the soldiers load their guns, she stands up tall and faces them directly. She hugs our son tighter and smiles slightly. In these final moments, her eyes fill up with some wild, bold, unexpected and completely out of place sense of peaceful surrender, as if she’s allowed her faith to sweep her away to some place beyond death, where she is already welcomed by love. She looks at me one last time, and in this last moment of our connection, in her eyes…I see you.”

I release a gasp and burst into shivers− a sign that my body is confirming this unconscious memory.

“Katya,” Felix’s voice shakes and his eyes well up with tears, “I was watching you and our newborn son being shot and there was nothing I could do to save you…”